It’s funny how one day slips into another. Knowing the current day of the week is mostly meaningless but the kids and I usually insist on knowing (it’s Sunday, by the way). Not much has changed in Ontario. A few more businesses were taken off of the essentials list. Numbers are climbing still (positive COVID-19 cases, death rates and recovery rates). At this point, even though the ministry has said they are hoping schools will reopen May 1 (it’s currently April 5th), I’m not hopeful. I’m pretty sure we will lose the remainder of the year. It will be an indefinite closure of schools and businesses. Some top Canadian doctors are saying this will continue until the summer. Ugh. I can’t even process this.
So far, we seem to be fairing well-ish. We have a week day routine in place. My eldest appreciates and blooms with routine and expectations. My youngest is having a harder time with it. He fights me on everything and anything. He misses his friends so much. I try to put him in touch with his closest friends but it’s not working. He wants to be left alone, watch tv, and play video games. I don’t feel like I can do this, I can’t just let my eight year old turn to mush. So we butt heads. A lot. To the point of tears on some days. We had such a bad fight this week, I couldn’t stay in the same room as him at bedtime. He was so hurtful and insulting. I didn’t do right by him that day. I let my emotions get the best of me. I wasn’t there for him in the way he wanted. I couldn’t figure out what he wanted from me, to be honest. It ended with him telling me that he shouldn’t have been born, he should end his life, and everyone will be happier for it. I was beside myself with sadness and fear. My husband had to come in and deal with us both. I cried myself to sleep. No wonder I have had two migraines back to back this weekend. We have since dialed back on the expectations we have for him. We don’t push him as much. He does seem happier with that. We have made up, made peace, and feel joy again with each other. Darkest moment of my life.
Schooling continues to be at home. I have exercise books and the internet. I’m doing what I can to keep them engaged for a short duration each day. Starting Monday, the board will start taking back some of the educational aspect of home schooling. We don’t quite know what that will look like, but it seems that teachers are scrambling to get content to the kids and then the kids have a week to do the work assigned. I’m not sure how teaching is going to look yet. They don’t have online discussions yet via webinars. It’s just posted info at this point. But it’s the first week and things will evolve. This is an experiment for all of us. On the bright side, my daughter is learning how to type and she and I are learning how to play the piano now! Both kids have also started a coding program online, which is a ‘live’ teaching format, and they both have started working with math tutors online in a ‘live’ format as well!
On to some other good news, the weather is improving and I’m trying to get the kids outside at least once a day. Every day, I walk around my gardens and I love the growth that I’m starting to see. My snowdrop flowers have finished blooming but my tulips, iris and daffodils are starting to grow! Spring is definitely here. The birds are chirping more and more. The sun comes out. Some days we can go out in sweatshirts instead of coats. I’ve put away most of our winter gear! It’s almost time for Easter/Passover. Hope is coming to us in the form of nature and I love it!
We miss our families. We have been using FaceTime to chat with my parents, grandmother and brothers for our usual Friday night dinners that we are missing. My kids text them regularly too. It’s so sweet. We call my inlaws often. I email them with photos of the kids almost daily. It we miss the physical closeness of it. We drove to my mom’s on the weekend. We haven’t been in the car in weeks and it was weird! The bought some supplies for us, so we did a porch pickup and we chatted with them through the dining room window. I almost cried. My grandmother teared up. Then we did the same with my inlaws. They stood on the porch and we spoke to them from the driveway. My mother in law looked emotional. This is taking a big mental health hit on everyone. It’s very hard. I try texting my friends every once in a while to check in. I even mailed out hand written cards to a few of them, just letting them know that they are not forgotten. They loved it and most even sent a card back to me!
I’ve been baking a lot lately. Going through a lot of flour, sugar and eggs. I tried my hand at Instant Pot bread. Not one of my finest moments. 😆 But it was edible. I bake every few days and I’m sure when this is all over, I’ll be twenty pounds heavier! My son has trouble with the food situation. He knows I can’t run to the store and pickup what he wants but he insists on eating his go-to foods. He has always been a lucky eater and the ADHD meds he’s on makes it worse. Many of our fights stem from food. We have stopped his meds when the whole issue blew up this week (he doesn’t sleep while he’s on the meds either) so we decided to give him a break. He’s also on melatonin (as is my eldest) and it has helped. He said he’s so happy for the sleep. So am I.
At this point, all we can do is continue with social distancing and take one day at a time. I’m grateful that we are all home and healthy. I’m grateful for the front line health workers. I’m grateful we can still get most of our necessary supplies. One day at a time is all anyone can do. Be well and stay safe.